Welcome to something we call “The War on Culture Lag.” What it is, and why it exists—well, that would be telling; keep poking around the site.  HINT:  there’s something called Culture Lag, and it seems like “war” is the only metaphor that gets folks’ attention.  [Please note the full title; we’re not against culture.]

The main weapon in our assault will be podcasts.  To that end, we’re still looking for a “few good voices” to bring this sucker to life.  Have a look at the sample scripts below and see if you have the right stuff to be a culture lag warrior.

About the header montage:  note the “road” of civilization, meandering towards progress. Positive contributors are balanced by those who would drag us backwards—see if you can identify them all!

— General Allan

WARNING:  This material is not for everyone.  In fact, hardly anyone.  If you haven’t already clicked away—our sympathies.

Humor College


A reminder—your online education is not complete without a term at Humor College

Just point the ol’ browsing machine here.


Battle #1: Operation Premise

In which we set a tone and explore why we think, how we think, and what affects what we think (besides propaganda, fear, hormones, alcohol, and puppies).


  • Eu-sociality — In which we learn about an exciting science, only to have our discussion rudely cut short.
  • Commercial: Gritty Soap — All of media is but an excuse to sell soap—unfortunately, we’re no different.
  • 50,000 Years Ago Today — A truly historical perspective to gauge how far we’ve come.
  • A Few Moments with Mr. Toddles Potsdarn — A non-threatening alternate lifestyle.

This episode sponsored by the Remarkable Marker Company, who bring us “Hi-tech Headstones”—featuring embedded video of your loved ones, looped forever. Now in 3D!

Battle #2: Myth or Misses

If we’re ever to figure out where we’re going, we must know where we’ve been.  Let’s raise our brows for a bit and consider the role of myth.


  • Hip Re-Telling of Ancient Myth — Expert from the Allan-Hayden Culture Club visits to give us ammunition for our next (?) intelligent conversation.  His presentation:  “Orpheus—the Grecian Lot? or The Tragedy of a Nympholeptic.”  Get your mythology trading cards today!
  • Commercial:  Allan-Hayden Birthday Club — Everyone’s too busy to throw personalized parties these days.  Why not order one in a box?
  • Etymology Expert — Ezra Verbich is here to let us know how some of our common phrases came to be.

This episode sponsored by our corporate overlords, Allan-Hayden Enterprises; Allan-Hayden—they do stuff, for money.

Printed Culture

And if you like anything you see here…may we suggest checking out some of the fine publications over at Hypatia Media.  It features the works of Eugene Conrotto, the original “Subversive English Teacher.”

Mr. Conrotto was an early mentor of Generals Allan and Hayden, commanders of this site, and encouraged their behavior. 

A highlight—the world’s first graphic novel for old people!

Something New from Allan-Hayden

Everyone’s favorite little media conglomerate, Allan-Hayden Enterprises, is back!  Fresh from the Allan-Hayden “Birthday Kit” division is another tribute, as only A-H can deliver:



[A limited number of such custom tributes are available per year—order your Allan-Hayden Birthday Kit today!]

balloonsn present


WOCL is proud to support

(the Society for the Investigation of the Gene for Humor)


Sadly, an ever-increasing majority of us are born without a vital sense—humor.

One political party is already lost, and demographics are not encouraging. This pandemic is exacerbated by poor role models, lackadaisical education, and lack of effort.

In a world only barely tolerable with massive doses of laughter, this tragedy must reversed. Join us and other right-brained organizations and give a SIGH today.

Our motto:

Humor in the home,
Humor in the schools,
We won’t quit ’til you’re
Laughing like fools.

Battle #4: The Progress Show

A common misconception is that humankind is steadily growing towards perfection.  But every generation must have thought themselves the apex of civilization.  For proper perspective, a look back may be in order….


  • Ancient Progress — Typical reactions to conflict, from the dawn of man forward.
  • Middle Ages Progress — Feudal, schmeudal.
  • Renaissance Progress — As long as you know your place….  (Knowledge of English history and/or Fairport Convention a useful prerequisite.)
  • Commercial:  Stereotypes ‘R Us
  • Colonial Progress — “Free” and “equal” take halting steps, forward-ish.
  • Gilded Age Progress — Civil disobedience and good ol’ Homer Plessey.

This episode sponsored by Stereotypes ‘R Us:  keeping the lowest common denominator alive for over 100 years.

Battle #3: Professin’ Yer Profession

How we make a living has changed radically.  We visit the edges of society to learn of some interesting career paths.


  • Efficiency Expert — We follow this profession to its logical extension.
  • Commercial:  Sonny’s Seasoned Firewood — It’s the fuel that makes the fire.  Sonny’s firewood saves on incense, room freshener, and other smelly personal care products.
  • Mel Parcel, Street Namer — Ever wonder how all those subdivisions get those odd addresses?
  • H. Melton Keys, Keeper of Bees — Another unusual job.
  • Monkey Business — A more typical modern entrepreneur, who turned lemons into lemon juice.

This episode sponsored by the Allan-Hayden Employment Workshops.  AHEW:  nothing to sneeze at if you need a job.

A New Birthday Tribute Show

A(nother) Birthday Tribute show, as only A-H can deliver:

[From the “Birthday Kit” division of everyone’s favorite Mom & Pop worldwide media conglomerate, Allan-Hayden Enterprises.]

hippo birthday 2 ewes

Local Battles


This conflict will never get anywhere without some local skirmishes. Plan your own local assault on culture lag; feel free to use the following order of battle as a template….

Battle invite sample