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Welcome to something we call “The War on Culture Lag.” What it is, and why it exists—well, that would be telling; keep poking around the site.  HINT:  there’s something called Culture Lag, and it seems like “war” is the only metaphor that gets folks’ attention.  [Please note the full title; we’re not against culture.]

The main weapon in our assault will be podcasts.  To that end, we’re still looking for a “few good voices” to bring this sucker to life.  Have a look at the sample scripts below and see if you have the right stuff to be a culture lag warrior.

About the header montage:  note the “road” of civilization, meandering towards progress. Positive contributors are balanced by those who would drag us backwards—see if you can identify them all!

— General Allan

WARNING:  This material is not for everyone.  In fact, hardly anyone.  If you haven’t already clicked away—our sympathies.

Humor College

 

A reminder—your online education is not complete without a term at Humor College. 

Just point the ol’ browsing machine here.

 

Battle #1: Operation Premise

In which we set a tone and explore why we think, how we think, and what affects what we think (besides propaganda, fear, hormones, alcohol, and puppies).

Featuring:

  • Eu-sociality — In which we learn about an exciting science, only to have our discussion rudely cut short.
  • Commercial: Gritty Soap — All of media is but an excuse to sell soap—unfortunately, we’re no different.
  • 50,000 Years Ago Today — A truly historical perspective to gauge how far we’ve come.
  • A Few Moments with Mr. Toddles Potsdarn — A non-threatening alternate lifestyle.

This episode sponsored by the Remarkable Marker Company, who bring us “Hi-tech Headstones”—featuring embedded video of your loved ones, looped forever. Now in 3D!

Battle #2: Myth or Misses

If we’re ever to figure out where we’re going, we must know where we’ve been.  Let’s raise our brows for a bit and consider the role of myth.

Featuring:

  • Hip Re-Telling of Ancient Myth — Expert from the Allan-Hayden Culture Club visits to give us ammunition for our next (?) intelligent conversation.  His presentation:  “Orpheus—the Grecian Lot? or The Tragedy of a Nympholeptic.”  Get your mythology trading cards today!
  • Commercial:  Allan-Hayden Birthday Club — Everyone’s too busy to throw personalized parties these days.  Why not order one in a box?
  • Etymology Expert — Ezra Verbich is here to let us know how some of our common phrases came to be.

This episode sponsored by our corporate overlords, Allan-Hayden Enterprises; Allan-Hayden—they do stuff, for money.

Something New from Allan-Hayden

Everyone’s favorite little media conglomerate, Allan-Hayden Enterprises, is back!  Fresh from the Allan-Hayden “Birthday Kit” division is another tribute, as only A-H can deliver:

 

 

[A limited number of such custom tributes are available per year—order your Allan-Hayden Birthday Kit today!]

balloonsn present

Battle #4: The Progress Show

A common misconception is that humankind is steadily growing towards perfection.  But every generation must have thought themselves the apex of civilization.  For proper perspective, a look back may be in order….

Featuring:

  • Ancient Progress — Typical reactions to conflict, from the dawn of man forward.
  • Middle Ages Progress — Feudal, schmeudal.
  • Renaissance Progress — As long as you know your place….  (Knowledge of English history and/or Fairport Convention a useful prerequisite.)
  • Commercial:  Stereotypes ‘R Us
  • Colonial Progress — “Free” and “equal” take halting steps, forward-ish.
  • Gilded Age Progress — Civil disobedience and good ol’ Homer Plessey.

This episode sponsored by Stereotypes ‘R Us:  keeping the lowest common denominator alive for over 100 years.

Battle #3: Professin’ Yer Profession

How we make a living has changed radically.  We visit the edges of society to learn of some interesting career paths.

Featuring:

  • Efficiency Expert — We follow this profession to its logical extension.
  • Commercial:  Sonny’s Seasoned Firewood — It’s the fuel that makes the fire.  Sonny’s firewood saves on incense, room freshener, and other smelly personal care products.
  • Mel Parcel, Street Namer — Ever wonder how all those subdivisions get those odd addresses?
  • H. Melton Keys, Keeper of Bees — Another unusual job.
  • Monkey Business — A more typical modern entrepreneur, who turned lemons into lemon juice.

This episode sponsored by the Allan-Hayden Employment Workshops.  AHEW:  nothing to sneeze at if you need a job.

A New Birthday Tribute Show

A(nother) Birthday Tribute show, as only A-H can deliver:

[From the “Birthday Kit” division of everyone’s favorite Mom & Pop worldwide media conglomerate, Allan-Hayden Enterprises.]

hippo birthday 2 ewes

Local Battles

 

This conflict will never get anywhere without some local skirmishes. Plan your own local assault on culture lag; feel free to use the following order of battle as a template….

Battle invite sample